Krljavi krljavi stripovi

I've sold my camera because I might be getting a 5D MarkII if I pass the Roman Law exam.
So here's how I spend my lousy free time now





All you macfags and fat goth chicks please don't get mad at me :(

Perfection.

Only this moment
Holds us together
Close to perfection
Nothing is out there
No one to guide us
Lost in the senses

Another wave of insomnia leaves me paralyzed, and although sitting in this empty, lifeless room I can barely call my home, and having nothing better to do but to set off for bed... I can tell for sure that it's going to be one of those restless nights, as I can feel adrenaline pulsating right through me, whispering to me about topics I couldn't fall asleep while bearing in mind.

It's one of those chilly nights that many people would spend lying in bed with a cigarette and a good book in hand. However, never was I attracted to nicotine, quite unusually as I've developed an affection for worse decadency.

Virtues and vice...I spend a great deal of time struggling to achieve the first, but ending up doing latter. My intemperance, lack of moderation, the way I always willingly slip in the binds of overindulgence, my personal desires being forcefully fulfilled. How many people have I damaged through my course of actions? How many people would still feel better if I drew the line, sustaining myself from maneuvers in the fields between our bonds?

As I will wake up in the morning without willpower to get myself out of bed in the healthy morning hours, the same willpower will probably be lacked in any other attempts to abide by my promises. My ability of self-critical analysis will barely get me any points in this.

However, will a person bear any sympathy for me as he realizes the emotional values I put in certain matters? How I will often not dispatch some of my actions in fear of not losing something I find precious?

These are hard matters in hours that are hardly to be called lucid.

I spin the song that reminds me of another event that I would hardly call lucid as well...
I will finish this now and leave to fondle a few more pages of Nick Cave's novel, and hopefully sink in some much-desired sleep.

The Gift

As I often listlessly gazed onto many provoking topics, I frequently found myself pondering if my core was too crude.

I've seen many people spill their petty overabundant feelings over trivial matters and wonder how come I could stand stone-cold. It's not a display of pride, or some kind of childish fortitude I try to display with these words, just a curious exploration of my riddled psyche.

However, tonight I've been proven something I thought never would happen, as a gesture of sheer emotion that I'd in any different occasion ridicule and think to be nothing less than a pathetic emotional zeal, moved me and dismantled my whole being.

I'm still shaking as I glance upon it, savoring every word, esteeming every varicolored stain.

And on the bottom, the sincerity of my approval-although quite obviously disclosed before-marked by the few more tear stains that joined the paper, leaving the words being written right now quite unnecessary.

Some days I think I'll die from an overdose of satisfaction.

Two weeks from now, if the cosmos arranges the weather not to be shitty and any of my family members not to drop dead, I will have the most fucking awesome birthday party ever. Cheers for bonfire and illegal trance festivities!

Apart from that, I'm just mellow. Gonna finish a few more Plants vs zombies levels, kick my bf in the shins for playing some godawful metal music and go strangle the bed sheets. Hope you like the newest rendition of Eva with the mask, if things go well I might be owning a studio lightning kit quite soon, leading to more naked ladies.

Through darkest nights

I remember once running across a site that featured postcards with secrets, I can't really recall the name now, which is kind of funny because it was a huge site and a general internet phenomena. But anyway, as I looked at all those colorful images with words dripping with sadness, solitude, ecstasy and sneaky humor, I remember seeing one that really made an impact on me. It had two divers holding hands in water, with bubbles and reflections of the sun above them, and text saying "Is life really that hard on other people, or are they just better at faking it?"

I was going through some tough times and that was quite the sum of every dark thought that was swarming around my head.

And now, that I'm truly content with everything and have somehow found peace, I still wish to do certain expressive work just in tribute to some of the emotions that I've never quite let show.

Quite ironic how hard it was back then...and how easy it is right now.

Soft Power

I feel so unhappy with my crappy photography, I just cannot tell if I am making a progress and nobody bothers to inform me either, apart from my dear friends whom I don't trust for they love me for being a dumbass and would never break my heart by telling me my photos suck ass and I'd do a much more useful thing by drawing more equally crappy Berserk fanart.

I had too much coffee and I'm ranting, but anyway.

Here's Nina, she'll be a kickass model someday, something like Kate Moss but far prettier and less anemic-lizard-faced, and she'll make tons of money overboard and send us all the hookers and blow she refused and extravagant designer parties.

Yeah!

When I was a very small boy,
Very small boys talked to me
Now that we've grown up together
They're afraid of what they see


That's the price that we all pay
Our valued destiny comes to nothing
I cant tell you where we're going
I guess there was just no way of knowing

I used to think that the day would never come
I'd see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear

I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun

Sometimes I wonder if the choice I made was really the one that would bless me with the most of joyous moments. Which is the source from which I would drain courage, inspiration and happiness?
You are the only person that understands me. Although I may bring you pain, you know exactly what to expect when you glare into my eyes, reaching into the deepest, narrowest paths of my shady soul. I am so much like you, doesn't it almost hurt?
Feeling you drift away, I will swallow what I have to to feel as close to you as I can. I may not be next to you, but as I drift into the stream of a levitating tide of relaxation, I feel I entered the world you created for yourself. I will subtly intrude it, close my eyes and bask in the feeling, almost as close as being in your good graces once again.